Things about Rahul I never want to forget #1

Disclaimer: I have copied the idea for this series from Haathi Time (who has now made her blog private) and I have taken permission from her to use the same title as hers. This series is about day-to-day things that my husband ends up doing which turn out profound for me and I would like to recall them here. The first one in the series which happened in 2018 & is since in my drafts:

This is about the time I was sent abroad on a business trip. I am not mentioning the place on purpose to keep identity of people involved ambiguous (some of my friends from those days read this space).

Okay, so, I mentioned business ‘trip’ because it was too sudden and proposed to me as a short stint. I realized upon going there that this could go long and, as it later turned out, I had to actively try to not let it be permanent. The reason I am mentioning all of this is to highlight the fact that I wasn’t super ready to move at that time and I had just been out of another situation where I felt depressed due to being lonely while working in a foreign city. This time, I had mentally prepared myself to enjoy the most and have a great time. That last situation had made me a stronger person and also someone who treats such opportunities with respect. Instead of being sad, I was all ready to have a good time and I was open to forging some genuine friendships. It later proved to be a very memorable experience where I met some amazing people and the only regret I have is of not being this open in my previous similar stint.

As I was saying, this time was going very well and I was always open to meet new people when on one of these days, I got invited to a casual hangout at a bar with some office colleagues. Now this was a setting where all the people were a bit older than me and there was no other female. Just to be clear – the no female or the age thing matters to me only when I am in a group of almost strangers or acquaintances. This was a case of acquaintances and since it’s colleagues, you don’t want to be in a weird situation later on.

It was no big deal either way, whether I went or not. It was only a casual hangout. But when you are on your own in a new place where you are yet to have your comfort zone friends, you treat every social interaction with new people with a dubious eye. I was planning to cancel as I didn’t want to have any sort of embarrassing or weird situation with older colleagues to come out of this. Before cancelling, I just thought of calling Rahul up to talk about this and this is what I said – “I am thinking of not going, as these people are older than me. What would they think if I go out drinking with them? What if I end up saying something that would make me an office joke or something?”

And this is what Rahul had to say – “How does it matter? If they think anything bad of you, that means their mind is skewed a certain way. What are you so worried for?”

And this has stayed with me. I know, I know, these are very simple things to say but things that I end up forgetting a lot too. In that moment, this talk made me very aware of the fact that we let people get away with being judgmental and impact our life decisions. I wanted to go because I wanted to have a good time but the fear of being judged wasn’t letting me. In hindsight, I think one thing I admire the most about Rahul is his security in being himself, he will not act a certain way just because he is in a certain setting. (it’s a different story that he will go completely mum when he doesn’t like the setting). But I admire his comfort with being himself while people can judge all they want. 🙂

Small Joys

There’s a juice shop right below my parents condominium. In winters, we often go there in afternoons to get a glass of carrot juice each. Now this incident happened really long ago, I mean so long ago that I am sure it was pre-covid. I remember thinking at that time that this needs to go on the blog today itself. And here I am, posting about it today. 😀

When I went to the juice shop with my mom, two tiny kids who were rag picking were just passing by. I asked them to come over and have the juice. I can’t tell you the look of happiness I saw on their faces. I had tears in my eyes. I just somehow controlled myself so that it doesn’t get awkward. Their happiness was the sort of unadulterated one that makes it contagious honestly! And then, something even better happened, when I was paying the juice shop person, he didn’t charge me in full for their juices and actually gave the two kids a little extra than the standard glass. It’s like you did a tiny thing and the world joined you in making it ten thousand times better.

Living in India, you become so used to coming across the income disparity instances so often, well, ‘used to’ is not the right word because every instance in daily life makes you feel uncomfortable but more often than not, you just move on with your life. These tiny pockets maybe rare but it definitely made my day a whole lot brighter. Like I mentioned, this incident was definitely pre-covid and I still remember it so vividly because of the joy it brought!

Getting the 1st Covid vaccine dose

I went for my first dose today. In India, to accept that you will have a slight struggle for operational tasks like this will take you a long way because then you are prepared to not be mad about waiting etc. I am not going to mention the obvious that we are so fortunate to be getting it. It’s a breakthrough truly, creation and availability both. I have to say though – things were extremely well managed, quick and efficient. I got it in a private hospital, but I have heard good experiences from everyone who got it done elsewhere, govt hospitals, community camps etc.

It definitely is a win in history that we as a race are getting vaccinated but, for me, it was a personal victory too. I didn’t cry even once at the sight of the needle (well, I didn’t really see it and avoided seeing it at every chance 😀), I only screamed slightly when the jab was going in but I think it’s still a big upgrade for me. Sure I may have scandalized a few around me with the scream, but still a big, big progress for an almost 30 year old who made the Covid blood test guy super uncomfortable.

I don’t feel any of the post vaccination symptoms yet, like not even mild sore. I hope everyone gets vaccinated soon, even though it seems like a difficult feat to achieve.

Thought I don’t want to miss out today

Why do extrovert or over enthusiastic people in a group never consider that maybe it’s not something to do with the
other person which doesn’t let them open up but something about them only that maybe repelling to the concerned person?

I am not an introvert at all, ambivert I guess, but wanted to put down this observation. I genuinely want to know when people are over enthusiastic in a group, are they seriously that excited or it’s just herd mentality? Or how you say – fitting in? My opinion – I do think people even at my age do a lot of things just to fit in (I am including myself in this judgement, but I also know where to draw the line, I will not do something just to fit in which I absolutely don’t relate to, even if it’s something I don’t find particularly offensive.

Do share your thoughts.

Thoughts in the time of a Pandemic

As I sit from the comfort of my bed with my husband lying next to me, at my parents’ place, cannot help but think of the innumerable businesses (personal & professional) that are rendered helpless. (My husband works in travel & tourism industry, by the way). Above all this gloom related to Corona however is the worry of a family member being critically ill. Just like a million questions & thoughts are going through everybody’s heads at this time, I decided to pen down my own:

  1. Topmost in my wishes & hopes remain my family member’s recovery. Please pray for my mamaji’s recovery if you are reading this.
  2. Is there any hope for the weakest in our society in the times of this crisis? Other than donating, not cutting salaries of your house helps, what significant difference can one make?
  3. If you haven’t already, do read this article & share your thoughts in the comments. Would love to understand the article more properly should anyone care to help me. 🙂
  4. How scary it must be to be in a hospital right now as a patient or accompanying them, not to mention our front fighters. We owe them big time.
  5. I see so many quarantine & chill or making most of these times kind of posts on Instagram all the time. I enjoy them so much, seeing people paint, cook & a lot of other fun things, BUT SERIOUSLY PEOPLE HOW DO Y’ALL HAVE THIS TIME? IS YOUR WORK FROM HOME NOTHING LIKE MINE? I am literally dreading Monday in 10 mins just like I would have without the lockdown.
  6. I am reading less than regular. Before you read the next sentence, can you guess why? Because turns out most of my reading happened in commute. Oh, well. Its nothing short of an interesting revelation for me. 🙂
  7. Am I ever going to write my wedding posts on this blog like I always intended to when I was far away from getting married & all? Its almost going to be a year and I never thought that I’ll not jot down much about my wedding here until I realized that’s exactly what I have done so far. However, I do know its not laziness. It’s something else, a mixed bag of few things – it’s too personal & I have always struggled with writing personal stuff, I want to make sure its articulated correctly, I am scared of people who know me in real life reading it (don’t know why though, they anyway know the stuff right?).
  8. Take care. Stay at home, in whatever way home has manifested itself for you & be safe. 🙂

26 | Nothing lasts forever?

Sometimes, when I read this statement on some or the other source, I start wondering just how much do I believe if its true. I never manage to conclude. Is it really true that absolutely nothing lasts forever? Change is the only constant? I am inclined to believe its true, because I don’t have too much of a counter argument. However, if someone does, I am ears. I feel love does last forever, but then two more thoughts: 1) its an evolving thing, so, it can be classified under the change is the only constant category, 2) some people feel that mankind’s natural instinct is monogamous, that’s another angle to look at now!