My Regrets of 2022

Kind of a sad post, and probably not the best timing but I just wanted to let it out.

I thought hard for this post, kind of introspected why I am feeling that 2022 was blah and I kind of know why.

What I am feeling is that it was not the year of growth for me. There are some personal goals that I didn’t even care about, professionally I became more complacent, albeit knowingly. I am getting a feeling that becoming complacent even knowingly was not the best for growth.

I could improve my routine heavily because of my husband and I finally getting to live at our place which led to some small wins in consistency, however, there also I struggled with growth. One, I became more consistent with working out, but lacked in improving their duration or quality. Second, I became more consistent with eating healthier but didn’t manage to give up on snacking as much as I should have.

These are the things that are now affecting me and since I am usually one to go with the flow, I am worried that I might get too caught up in 2023 towards fulfilling these goals. I really hope that I don’t get too caught up but manage to do things at my own pace which also satisfies and keeps me and people who matter happy.

Wishing a happy new year 2023 for all of us!

How is my December going?

December is usually that time of the year when I get extra finnicky about completely more books, writing more blog posts etc. This December is no different, albeit a lot has ensued that made things unplanned and left me with less opportunity for such slow living activities. I am going to talk about those and then also mention about what activities I would like to do more in the 10 days remaining.

First of all, my nani (maternal grandmother) passed away, ever so suddenly. She was old and not keeping well, but those were typical old age problems and we certainly didn’t foresee any such thing. She had a cardiac arrest at her home, after which she was hospitalized and was on ventilator for couple of days before she took her last breath. In my view, she led a full life, except that her old age was not as good as it should be for someone of her candor. What I mean is that her two most important traits – saying anything at any time and being a super hardworking person who can never sit still – both got affected as she grew old. Everyone kept sensitizing her about speaking random things (which also becomes common as you age I guess) and due to her health, she wasn’t able to do a lot. What I also feel bad is that she struggled on the ventilator for those last two days, I mean every time that happens with anyone, post death we feel that wish they didn’t have to struggle in the hospital, right? However, what truly hurts is how less I spoke to her on phone in the past years. She had a good relationship with all her grandchildren and I used to meet her often. However, I know she expected phone calls which I didn’t make and the funny thing is I randomly used to think how I should call her more often but just didn’t. One thing I am sure everyone is glad for is that she attended the wedding I spoke about here. It was important for her in more ways than one. I hope she is happy wherever she is. ❀

Secondly, I had another wedding to attend from my husband’s side of the family which was almost at the same time as what I just mentioned. I wasn’t able to enjoy the wedding as much as I had hoped to, however, overall it was good. I’ll soon post a dance video from the wedding on my Instagram, you can follow me there if you would like that. πŸ™‚

Last but not the least, I have some random stuff going on that takes up my time which I didn’t account for. Few examples – some visits from family members, filing my tax proofs, planning for a trip that eventually got cancelled 😦 and, the worst of all, I am yet to file expenses from my last business trip which was almost two months ago. I better get to it if I don’t want to invite trouble.

Things I would want to do more of in December:

  1. Eat better – more winter greens, less carbs, less alcohol πŸ˜€ that’s the motto but it seems like a task not meant for December πŸ˜€
  2. Spend more time in the winter sun
  3. Something that comes naturally to me but these days it isn’t – read more
  4. Most important which would also make #3 happen – reduce phone addiction
  5. Write more blog posts (especially some yearly round up ones)

How is your December going?

If you liked this, check out more of my latest posts:

Work Day Blues

I have been having a severe case of Monday blues, and not just today. I feel like I have been stuck with this since a long time. You know there are days when you just feel like blah at work, but those days have been pretty regular. I am honestly a little embarrassed to share how I feel about work days (and dread if any office folks happen to read it), but I have decided to go ahead anyway:

  1. Just for context – I like the work that I do and I am happy with the profile/domain etc that I work. Throughout my working lifecycle, I have always worked in Consulting, so all my points are based on that experience only.
  2. I am not a fan of most things a typical workday, especially for consultants like me, holds:
    • I dislike the fact that we don’t have a strong sense of belonging with our team or office junta. We usually work in different teams across the organization depending on the project we are on and, therefore, its difficult to forge genuine relationships. Add to this the fact that I usually don’t look forward to the social interactions that are specifically put to make the team interact, because those seem very surface level. I then get to observe how these dynamics work in my client offices – a non-consulting or what we call, an “industry” environment – and I see that people have groups they hang out with, people they hate, office politics etc. very clearly defined. Not saying whether its a good or bad thing, but it definitely provides them with some sort of sense of belonging. Weirdly enough, I have made some genuine friends whom I know from work, something I never expected to happen but it did.
    • Thing that I hate the most is the unsustainable working style – consultants usually are not just chasing a single KPI, or business objective, but rather responsible for either delivering a particular assignment or crafting the strategy for it CLUBBED WITH any additional department level responsibilities. Its not about the actual amount of hours that it may take (although that is the bigger pain point), but about the work expectations that you are expected to meet/exceed (not these terminologies again!) to “grow up the ladder” (not again!).
    • I will obviously feel a whole lot better about all the issues I raised, if I knew that I need to do it only for a fixed number of hours at a fixed time (4 days a week instead of 5 would be a nice touch, but let’s not go there).
  3. I am seeing a lot of trendy “toxic work culture” related terms thrown around these days, and I want to call them out for the kind of BS they promote. There are literally two extremes – quiet quitting and hustle harder and I hate both of them fervently. If you don’t know what they are, you are lucky as hell, but please Google them to understand what I am saying. πŸ˜€ Well, for quiet quitting, I honestly don’t know much, except that I hate the term itself. It means people who do the bare minimum at a job to make it work. How is this “quitting” at all? Like, at all? You are doing something out of a need (for yourself as well as the org), how can this be termed as quitting? Also, this glorification BS of “you need to love your job” really needs to stop. Not everyone is privileged enough to have that, and not everyone has the capacity to hunt for what YOU think is the right want. So, f*ck this glorification really. The other term, hustle, is downright annoying and I hate the kind of popularity this term is garnering these days. This is basically people who say that unless you want to fail in life, you need to work an unhealthy and ungodly no. of hours and do all sorts of things that hamper your lifestyle to make yourself succeed. This is the most bullshit concept that I find difficult to digest. Please understand that I am not saying that working extra hours is a bad thing always. There can be two scenarios for it – 1) you are passionate about something and are putting in your blood and sweat into it, 2) you are made to work like this because of any objectives you may or may not care about. The first one is a dream many want, but if you are shoving your dream down to other people’s throats and also giving lectures about how its necessary to succeed, then you are just promoting an unhealthy working style. To some people, their job may just be a means to make money and be compensated accordingly. If somebody wanted to hustle harder, they simply would, even without all these motivational gurus, who really seem to be on crack, telling them to do so.
  4. I was quite bored and done with working when I started this post, but I think its important I call out the goods in my own job too –
    • We mostly work from client offices rather than our own, so a lot of exposure.
    • And a lot of travel opportunities
    • Best thing I like: When we are not working from the client offices, we get to work from home. This is not something just due to the pandemic, but has always been the case for consulting folks

This was quite an emotional writing for me. Therefore, it may seem a bit incoherent. If you came till hear, I would love to hear your thoughts. Also, feel free to correct me on anything you find not sitting too well. πŸ™‚

If you liked this, check out more of my latest posts:

On Weeping | Blogmas 5

Not a very Christmas-y post, this one. But an important one nonetheless.

I had been meaning to talk about this since a long while but it just skipped my mind. Why is there so much peer pressure for not crying? Of course, i understand that one may not want to weep or cry in front of others to not make anyone uncomfortable or to not appear weak. But that’s just a part of the picture. Even weeping or crying alone is sort of considered taboo.

As for me, i think weeping makes one feel instantly lighter. Letting your emotions flow in the most physical sense cannot be so bad after all, I guess? Then why weeping is a sign of wrong doing? I don’t get this. One problem that I see with myself is that weeping comes so naturally to me and ever so often that sometimes when the matter is not that big of a concern, i end up scandalizing people around me. This definitely needs to change. I think somewhere I end up using it as a mechanism to gain shmpathh, which is so, so wrong on so many levels. However, I think others could definitely do with adopting more healthy weeping πŸ˜€ and, oh, the pressure that guys have for not crying. That sucks so much and definitely needs to go.

Things about Rahul I never want to forget #2

Disclaimer: I have copied the idea for this series from Haathi Time (who has now made her blog private) and I have taken permission from her to use the same title as hers. This series is about day-to-day things that my husband ends up doing which turn out profound for me and I would recall them here.

Rahul has the best advice for me, whether I take it or not.

This is just as true for a life changing event versus something like taking a bath.

Take for example, this very random scenario. Something most of you won’t even count as advice. This one time I was complaining to Rahul just how much I hate myself for eating chips almost everyday and I just can’t seem to stop. For more context, go here. I went on and on about this ‘problem’ of mine and how I never learn. The best part is that Rahul didn’t pause me even once and continued listening to this pointless rant and, in the end, he simply said – “Don’t buy chips then! It’s that simple”.

This is it. This is the point of this post. Sure, we are in an embarassing situation where we sometimes have to tell friends who are coming over to buy themselves chips/chakna on the way, unless we are ordering them. But my chips consumption has reduced a lot. I only order them or go specifically to the market nearby when I really can’t do without them. πŸ˜€

Things about Rahul I never want to forget #1

Disclaimer: I have copied the idea for this series from Haathi Time (who has now made her blog private) and I have taken permission from her to use the same title as hers. This series is about day-to-day things that my husband ends up doing which turn out profound for me and I would like to recall them here. The first one in the series which happened in 2018 & is since in my drafts:

This is about the time I was sent abroad on a business trip. I am not mentioning the place on purpose to keep identity of people involved ambiguous (some of my friends from those days read this space).

Okay, so, I mentioned business ‘trip’ because it was too sudden and proposed to me as a short stint. I realized upon going there that this could go long and, as it later turned out, I had to actively try to not let it be permanent. The reason I am mentioning all of this is to highlight the fact that I wasn’t super ready to move at that time and I had just been out of another situation where I felt depressed due to being lonely while working in a foreign city. This time, I had mentally prepared myself to enjoy the most and have a great time. That last situation had made me a stronger person and also someone who treats such opportunities with respect. Instead of being sad, I was all ready to have a good time and I was open to forging some genuine friendships. It later proved to be a very memorable experience where I met some amazing people and the only regret I have is of not being this open in my previous similar stint.

As I was saying, this time was going very well and I was always open to meet new people when on one of these days, I got invited to a casual hangout at a bar with some office colleagues. Now this was a setting where all the people were a bit older than me and there was no other female. Just to be clear – the no female or the age thing matters to me only when I am in a group of almost strangers or acquaintances. This was a case of acquaintances and since it’s colleagues, you don’t want to be in a weird situation later on.

It was no big deal either way, whether I went or not. It was only a casual hangout. But when you are on your own in a new place where you are yet to have your comfort zone friends, you treat every social interaction with new people with a dubious eye. I was planning to cancel as I didn’t want to have any sort of embarrassing or weird situation with older colleagues to come out of this. Before cancelling, I just thought of calling Rahul up to talk about this and this is what I said – “I am thinking of not going, as these people are older than me. What would they think if I go out drinking with them? What if I end up saying something that would make me an office joke or something?”

And this is what Rahul had to say – “How does it matter? If they think anything bad of you, that means their mind is skewed a certain way. What are you so worried for?”

And this has stayed with me. I know, I know, these are very simple things to say but things that I end up forgetting a lot too. In that moment, this talk made me very aware of the fact that we let people get away with being judgmental and impact our life decisions. I wanted to go because I wanted to have a good time but the fear of being judged wasn’t letting me. In hindsight, I think one thing I admire the most about Rahul is his security in being himself, he will not act a certain way just because he is in a certain setting. (it’s a different story that he will go completely mum when he doesn’t like the setting). But I admire his comfort with being himself while people can judge all they want. πŸ™‚