On Weeping | Blogmas 5

Not a very Christmas-y post, this one. But an important one nonetheless.

I had been meaning to talk about this since a long while but it just skipped my mind. Why is there so much peer pressure for not crying? Of course, i understand that one may not want to weep or cry in front of others to not make anyone uncomfortable or to not appear weak. But that’s just a part of the picture. Even weeping or crying alone is sort of considered taboo.

As for me, i think weeping makes one feel instantly lighter. Letting your emotions flow in the most physical sense cannot be so bad after all, I guess? Then why weeping is a sign of wrong doing? I don’t get this. One problem that I see with myself is that weeping comes so naturally to me and ever so often that sometimes when the matter is not that big of a concern, i end up scandalizing people around me. This definitely needs to change. I think somewhere I end up using it as a mechanism to gain shmpathh, which is so, so wrong on so many levels. However, I think others could definitely do with adopting more healthy weeping 😀 and, oh, the pressure that guys have for not crying. That sucks so much and definitely needs to go.

Things about Rahul I never want to forget #1

Disclaimer: I have copied the idea for this series from Haathi Time (who has now made her blog private) and I have taken permission from her to use the same title as hers. This series is about day-to-day things that my husband ends up doing which turn out profound for me and I would like to recall them here. The first one in the series which happened in 2018 & is since in my drafts:

This is about the time I was sent abroad on a business trip. I am not mentioning the place on purpose to keep identity of people involved ambiguous (some of my friends from those days read this space).

Okay, so, I mentioned business ‘trip’ because it was too sudden and proposed to me as a short stint. I realized upon going there that this could go long and, as it later turned out, I had to actively try to not let it be permanent. The reason I am mentioning all of this is to highlight the fact that I wasn’t super ready to move at that time and I had just been out of another situation where I felt depressed due to being lonely while working in a foreign city. This time, I had mentally prepared myself to enjoy the most and have a great time. That last situation had made me a stronger person and also someone who treats such opportunities with respect. Instead of being sad, I was all ready to have a good time and I was open to forging some genuine friendships. It later proved to be a very memorable experience where I met some amazing people and the only regret I have is of not being this open in my previous similar stint.

As I was saying, this time was going very well and I was always open to meet new people when on one of these days, I got invited to a casual hangout at a bar with some office colleagues. Now this was a setting where all the people were a bit older than me and there was no other female. Just to be clear – the no female or the age thing matters to me only when I am in a group of almost strangers or acquaintances. This was a case of acquaintances and since it’s colleagues, you don’t want to be in a weird situation later on.

It was no big deal either way, whether I went or not. It was only a casual hangout. But when you are on your own in a new place where you are yet to have your comfort zone friends, you treat every social interaction with new people with a dubious eye. I was planning to cancel as I didn’t want to have any sort of embarrassing or weird situation with older colleagues to come out of this. Before cancelling, I just thought of calling Rahul up to talk about this and this is what I said – “I am thinking of not going, as these people are older than me. What would they think if I go out drinking with them? What if I end up saying something that would make me an office joke or something?”

And this is what Rahul had to say – “How does it matter? If they think anything bad of you, that means their mind is skewed a certain way. What are you so worried for?”

And this has stayed with me. I know, I know, these are very simple things to say but things that I end up forgetting a lot too. In that moment, this talk made me very aware of the fact that we let people get away with being judgmental and impact our life decisions. I wanted to go because I wanted to have a good time but the fear of being judged wasn’t letting me. In hindsight, I think one thing I admire the most about Rahul is his security in being himself, he will not act a certain way just because he is in a certain setting. (it’s a different story that he will go completely mum when he doesn’t like the setting). But I admire his comfort with being himself while people can judge all they want. 🙂

Blogmas Day 4 | oh what an year!

Blogmas is allowed till 31st Dec in my books, so this shall continue.

Saying that this year has been a whirlwind of challenges, emotions and events for anyone is an understatement, because everyone around the globe felt this emotion this year.

I write this with a lot of privilege that I work in a job that allowed me the same kind of growth as I would have expected if it was a non-corona year and my life was much easier than a lot, lot of people in my country.

Besides, I honestly love working from home. Even though it means super stretched working hours and a loss of personal life, I like the idea of not rushing to an office and working in a typical work setting. The only aspect I miss of that is dressing up for work.

Being grateful for a comfortable existence, there is still a major part of my daily life that corona changed. On 19th March 2020, we had just started working from home when offices started taking the work-from-home route due to Covid. A friend of ours was staying with I and my husband as well, whose parents coincidentally live close to my parents place. As the weekend came, we thought who knows what happens in lockdown so let’s go to our respective parents places and off we went. Then, bam! it was lockdown and 4-5 months passed away. I think lockdown was a very good opportunity to be near to your parents as a routine and that felt so good but eventually we also started itching to be at our own place and it felt distant to be able to do so. Finally we managed to travel to Gurgaon to my and my husband’s place. The plan was to stay at our place for sometime and then travel to Rahul’s parents place in Surat (again, so that we can spend time with parents in this wfh scenario). We came to Surat on 8th Aug. We had planned to stay here for 2-3 months but my father in law was diagnosed with a critical disease and with the fluctuations in his condition every now and then we were in two minds in November whether we should travel back to Delhi or not. Actually it was a very close friend’s wedding in November which we didn’t want to skip (we were really hoping that it doesn’t happen during the covid times), the uncertainty to book or not to book delhi tickets continued and finally we went off. Within 2 weeks of being in Delhi, Rahul’s dad’s condition got worse and therefore we had to immediately travel back to Surat. So, now, here we are and in this entire ‘Corona kaal’ or the corona time that began from Mar’20 in India, we have lived in Gurgaon for a sum total of 20 days maybe. There is nothing I actually we miss more than being able to spend some time in my home, life as we used to know it. The worst part being not knowing when this uncertainty is over. Given the work from home situation, it’s also difficult to make parents understand the need for us to be in our own space. They don’t realize that this is what we maybe wanting.

I just thought I’ll log down here few things I miss from my life. Strange that this was our home for less than a year but still it feels so difficult to be away from it. I guess it’s because it was our first home together as a married couple –

– I miss being able to casually stroll in Galleria. It’s one of the cutest markets ever, and it’s right next to my place. It has a very fairytale setting.

– I even miss browsing Milkbasket, a grocery app in Gurgaon which delivers stuff at your doorstep the next morning. It always has some or the other new launch and it’s fun to browse and try out a new bread or some snack the next day!

– Coincidentally some of my closest friends happen to be in Gurgaon and I miss our casual as well as planned hangouts.

– I remember how much we liked chilling or having breakfast in our balcony under the winter Sun last year. I miss being able to do that!

– I miss just being. Plopping on my couch and watching tv with Rahul. We lucked out on a really nice apartment and I feel like I haven’t used it all that much yet, and it may soon be time to find another place due to x or y reason. 😔

I miss admiring my beautiful bookshelf and dresser and dining table.

I know all this is nothing compared to what many had to go through. Wishing health and happiness for all!

How has 2020 treated you? Share your silliest as well as your deepest thoughts!

12| Tough Days

Do you all have those days where just nothing seems to go right? I genuinely feel amused at how this happens. Like, how can one thing go wrong in a day and then every thing seems to be going wrong? Anyone got some explanation for this? Like, I would really like to know if this is some sort of regular phenomenon.

Yesterday, I had one of those days. My day started with getting late for work and it was kind of crucial to reach timely. Then, something I was expecting didn’t happen. Then, I had to go pick up some stuff from a tailor and turned out it wasn’t completed (even though he said it very confidently that I can pick it on Friday :|). Then, I had a really big fight with someone. So, yeah, honestly, I am still recovering from the blows of yesterday. 😃 Any soothing words will be helpful.