Letter to my Scared Soul

When I first got to know what periods are, I didn’t understand why I am being told to be secretive about it. I let it pass thinking that this is my first time, maybe as I get more familiar with this ‘thing’, I’ll know why people talk in hush-hush tones about periods. Almost 15 years later, I still do not know why. But, more importantly, it does not bother me that I am different from people around me regarding this ‘thing’. There are many things like this about which I am certain that my thinking is very different from people I grew up with despite having the similar kind of environment, but it doesn’t bother me that how come my thinking turned out to be different than them.

Then, why it bothers me when my feelings to certain scenarios are not the same as the general opinion? Let me explain what I mean with an example. I despise fake talk. And I despise those people even more who continuously get into the loop of being extra sweet to you when they genuinely do not possess that much sweetness towards you. Now, what a ‘normal’ person would do if they meet such people – acknowledge the aforementioned extra sweet person’s extra sweetness in their own head but do not show any signs of being affected. Be totally neutral. I, on the other hand, get very, very repelled by such behavior and it totally shows in my own behaviour/body language/facial distortions etc. Okay, this is a problem but still the only thing I should do to improve myself is become more calm & more accepting towards others. It shouldn’t make me question if there’s anything wrong with me. Then, why I question myself?

That is because when someone important to you feels something’s wrong about you, you start self-doubting too. I need to remind myself – its completely okay to not feel the same way as others do. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Someone’s idea of ‘correct thing’ doesn’t have to be your idea. The one who cares for you is worried for you, that’s why they are trying to figure why you are not like them. Its okay if they question you, because they are also growing just like you in their journey. They may have some perspectives similar to the ones you don’t relate to, but do not force yourself to feel as per those perspectives too. You don’t do that unless your heart says so. Listen to your heart & do not get scared if the voice is different from the norm. More importantly, do not get scared if the voice is different from that person’s whom you love. Just like you never got scared when you couldn’t understand the deal with people & periods.

Scared soul, chill & peace out. Love is not supposed to make you have the exact same feelings about everything as your loved one’s. Truly, it hurts a lot when your loved one thinks that you are not being ‘normal’. But that’s okay. Be proud of your uniqueness, of being the joker in the pack, of being the one who stood out. Nothing to worry, its okay to feel differently as long as you know you are being true to yourself. Just calm down & try being a better version of you (& only you).

5 thoughts on “Letter to my Scared Soul

  1. You got a formula to judge the sweetness quotient, huh? 😛
    I have been thinking lately, what shapes our thinking?
    (and I have collated some schools of thoughts – memories, our values & metrics to reach those values, language, environment – read the broken window theory, and still it’s all irrational – our thinking :P)
    I too often find myself stood out in certain situations, a common instance being when certain stereotypes are being discussed. I get uncomfortable with the idea of stereotyping, I feel it lacks scientific backing and since I have never cared to observe it, discuss it or consider it, it’s a stupid notion. I even get defensive, disturbed and it shows in the body language too (one of my very recent realizations have been to better body language, and the bucket of communication- all kinds, in general. A blog post on that soon probably).
    Then one time while in a deep conversation with a friend, we discussed why and how stereotypes are created, and the answer is quite simple in a way, it is only to help us, be more prepared of sorts for the world around, find some order in the randomness and irrational world. They will be there, but you may or may not choose to believe in them.
    Similarly, if you think of it, portraying extra sweetness (it’s anyways subjective) is also a way of following a certain set norm of social conduct, which is okay as it may help some people fit it? But we may or may not acknowledge that. However controlling body language and becoming more calm and accepting would help for our own sanity. Probably if you try to dig in, you will find a certain value attached being compromised which irks you. Like by being extra sweet / polite, someone is showing double standards / pretentiousness which is against the core value of honesty. So you learn about yourself that you value honesty a lot, which makes you a better normal if at all 🙂

  2. I totally feel the same way as your last two lines say! Regarding stereotypes in particular, I feel they exist for a reason and I feel they are a fun way to connect certain traits with an individual, as long as you are connecting those traits only after knowing the person as an individual rather than only by stereotypes. So, I enjoy discussions around stereotypes & they are fun timepass for me! 😀 (By the way, this post was written as a trigger from how bad I felt as per paragraph 3 😛 )

  3. This is very well written. And by saying that I am not being extra sweet 😛

    When some one behaves extra sweet with me I only think what is the hidden motive behind that sweet behavior and my mind starts solving that mystery.

    And brilliant analogy on joker in pack of cards. Being yourself is the most important thing. 🙂

    • Tuhi!!!!! thanks a lot 🙂 seriously it means a lot to me that you actually found it well-written! I really hope I improve & you actually enjoy the future posts. 🙂

      haha, this post was majorly triggered due to paragraph 3, the extra sweet bit was only an example of my weird feelings 😛

      Joker in the pack was a borrowed phrase from a novel I read long ago 😛 I wasn’t sure if the analogy is correct but wanted to use it anyway 😀

  4. “Listen to your heart & do not get scared if the voice is different from the norm.”
    Exactly! I love this sentence.

    Good post. 😀

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